Monday Fungos: Brewers Blown to Bits-burgh in Pittsburgh

If you are a fan of the lovable brats-burg of Milwaukee, what a brutal 5-game doughnut hole of a lost weekend in Pittsburgh you had to suffer through. I imagine Milwaukee hasn’t been this shocked since Joanie stopped loving Chachi or the Old Milwaukee beer bear bit it during the ’79 hunting season.

But their loss is more than just another day in an under-stimulating but still affordably priced real estate market. What bummed out a few hundred thousand Brewers fans produced pure elation for millions of Chicago Cubs fans. If only the universe produced that ratio every day. Then Miles Mikolas would be a Cub today, and Tyler Chatwood a Cardinal speeding John Mozeliak’s demise.

In other funny news, here’s a final first half set of Monday Fungos:Chicago Cubs

  1. Burgeoning sports scandal: I’m starting to think those “Get Loud” meters on scoreboards might not scientifically calibrated.
  2. Sadly, the Cubs lost the rubber game in San Francisco. But anyone from Buffalo knows never try ending a game against the Giants with a guy name Norwood.
  3. Speaking of James Norwood, his stuff looked so freakish in his debut outing that he should change his name to James Narwhal.
  4. Shouldn’t those devoted to cybermetrics be quoting all distances in meters?
  5. On Friday, my 70-year-old father wasn’t impressed by the Padres’ brown-and-yellow throwback uniforms. As he put it, “I have day-old underwear just as colorful.”
  6. When Ian Happ’s family left the old country, they dropped the final “y” in their surname. It has haunted him ever since.
  7. With about 25 foreign-born players heading to Washington, D.C., for the All-Star Game, I sure hope someone told ICE to stand down.
  8. Possible instant-classic All-Star moment: Max Scherzer starts for the National League, gets rocked, and Willson Contreras drops some post-game F-bombs describing how he told Scherzer to throw over to first base.
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